Limbodacious

Connectivity Restored (?)

I have gotten a few emails saying that people were not able to comment.

I believe I have fixed that.

Of course, I thought I fixed it the last time, but I had in fact broken it.

God speed.

Also

In response to a large volume of email requesting, nay, demanding pictures of my wedding, I have posted some mildly identifiable snapshots in a photo album.   ------->

Enjoy.  And quit emailing.

As Promised

But Wait! There's More!

Watch this space!

Soon to come:   News!  Shoes!  Pictures!  (Including one that I will post here against my better judgment of a very special dress!)

The Dog Ate My Blog Post (Or, My Blog Sucks, Read Someone Else's)

Welcome to the Carnival of Compassion, Better Late than Never Edition!  It has been an eventful few weeks here in Internetland, and I had trouble narrowing down the posts to include here.  I hope you enjoy these great pieces from my friends, acquaintances, and untouchable idols.

1.  "I've struggled with emotional scars in the past and I know I have some that still get a twinge of pain from time to time." 

Noelle from A Most Livable City writes about the similarities between physical and emotional scars.  She beautifully connects the physical pain from her illness and the emotional pain of losing someone in this great post.  (Also, stop by her blog and give her a shout out... two cross-country moves in a matter of  a few months!)

2.  "...So I'm being very mature and making my husband suffer right along with me, in a manner of speaking." 

Cancerbaby explains how this Thanksgiving will be a little different at her house in her usual humorous, poignant style.

3.  "She refuses to let me own her." 

Kerri from Six Until Me writes this beautiful post from the perspective of the disease she has been living with most of her life.  Her eloquent writing is only overshadowed by her incredible strength in the face of her illness.

4.  "The world is both dark and bright; the cold burns your skin, and you feel completely and utterly alone." 

Louise from Bomb in My Belly compares a cancer diagnosis to a violent storm, in a piece that is so beautifully written I defy anyone who says they didn't cry reading it. 

5.  "It is one of those eye-popping examples of the killer diabetes experiences many of us have lived through or heard about."   

Amy from Diabetes Mine shares a story she received from a friend who had a terrifying experience because of her diabetes.  I like this post because it shows the impact that a close-knit internet community sharing information and experiences can have on one person's life.

6.  "I am trying to assume I will have good days, and I wake up each day and ask myself what kind of day I want to have that day." 

Spike from Something Evil This Way Comes has been writing recently about making the transition to life after cancer.  Hers is one of the best verbalizations of the roller coaster of emotions we experience after treatment I have ever read.

7.  "Also like turtles, every so often I need to withdraw into my shell and get away from the world to regenerate myself."   

Moogle from Moogle's Thoughts writes a good post about the similarities between herself and turtles.  I especially enjoyed this because I have a personal soft spot for turtles myself!

8.  "One might think that, since I currently work for the government, when a destroyed body part needs replacing, I might luck out and get ones capable of superhuman powers." 

Congratulations to Jeannette of Two Hands, who recently underwent a successful breast reconstruction, bookending her period of cancer treatment.  In this post she discusses both her personal experiences with the surgery, and important information for women considering breast reconstruction.

9.  "...Over a third of all cancer deaths world wide are potentially preventable." 

In this sobering article, Cary from Cancer News Watch explains that many deaths from cancer could have been prevented.

10.  "The technician looked at me as he said; 'Good luck with everything,' and I knew by his words that he had seen something." 

Dr. Charles writes an incredible piece on his experience in the MRI machine.  This can be a horrific experience for even the most seasoned patient... or doctor.  Dr. Charles' unique perspective as a doctor is fascinating, and his words capture the fear and wild emotions of the diagnostic testing phase in a perfect, crystalline picture.

And Then I Found Fifty Dollars

I have been staring at a blank screen, cursor blinking, for five minutes.  I have been planning posts in my head for an entire week.  But for some reason, the words just aren't coming.

I thought I might do a little shtick on having a double scope done this past week, which, if you don't know what a double scope is, you are one lucky son of a bitch.  I thought that would be a good post, too.  I mean, come on, drinking four liters of a noxious liquid that causes you to spend an entire night on the toilet, not being able to eat for over 24 hours, having two cameras shoved in both ends of your body... that's good stuff there!  But I just couldn't put it all together somehow.

Then I thought I'd give a little update on my treatment, etc, but there's only so many ways to say, "This sucks and my leg hurts," without getting a little tiresome.  And thus here I am, at a loss for words.  So for now, this lame filler post will have to do. 

Don't worry. I'm here, I'm fine, I'm waiting for inspiration to strike.

Jeez, One "Choke the Breath Out of Me" and Everybody Flips Out

Perhaps my last entry wasn't the best lead-off post after a long absence.  I wrote it a few days ago, when I was completely drained and exhausted.  No, there is no Big Thing going on... an infinitesimal climb in my tumor markers and some pathetic kidney performance, but these things are hardly worth mentioning.  However, when combined with sleep deprivation and routine upheaval caused by my new job, well perhaps I overreacted, and I took you all down with me.  I'm sorry for making you feel blindsided, dear Internets.  Please let me assure you:

I am fine.

Seriously.

You can stop sending me "Oh my god what happened??" emails.

Seriously.  (Just kidding, those of you who wrote me made my heart swell to three times its size and I just adore you.)

Truth is, besides some minor setbacks, I am quite good.  It was extremely difficult for me to transition into the working world at first, when I realized that my employer really does expect me to show up on time, every day, and traffic in the city really is as bad as they say.  I had a rough patch getting used to the whole Get Up in the Morning/Stay Awake All Day business, which is when I wrote my last post, but most of those kinks have been ironed out.  I am proud to say that I have a two-week perfect attendance streak going, and my supervisor actually called me a "Star Pupil."  Yay. 

I know that someday it will just be my job, so I am glad to have this forum to document the current happy phase when the historic building is still gorgeous and everyone still asks me how I am liking it so far.  I love this time when everything is fresh and you can mentally catalogue your coworkers as you meet them (The fundamentalist Christians, Women who walk laps around the parking garage during lunch, People who are outraged at every perceived injustice or minor procedural change, People who hate me no matter how nice I am because I happen to be young/white/female/thin/short/smoker/no reason whatsoever, Emasculated single men who have nothing to offer the ladies anymore except their place in the microwave line, and of course, the Chatty Cathies - no office would be complete without them).

And since everyone seems to be so very interested in what happened and what is going on, Rae?, here it is...  What's Happenin': What Rae's Been Doing to Acclimate Herself to Her New Job.

1.  Identify and befriend smokers.  This, of course, is the single most crucial aspect of the new-job process.

2.  Shamelessly flirt with lonely quiet guy who knows how to fix the computers, cocky meathead guy who can beat the vending machine into submission, and the geeky gangly guy who has memorized every word of the benefits package.  Convince all three that I secretly loathe the other two.

3.  Repeatedly tell supervisor that she just has to tell me where she shops, because she is always wearing the cutest outfits and did I mention I love love LOVE your haircut??  And the kicker?  It is totally sincere, I heart her.

4.  Find isolated spot to eat lunch in order not to upset the ladies who eat an apple and a single leaf of lettuce for lunch.  It only took one day of them glaring at 90-pound me scarfing down my fettucine alfredo to learn they needed some space during lunch.

5.  Find every conceivable reason to call the Audiology Department.  Stay on the phone with them longer than needed.  Always offer to do a favor for them, up to and including picking up lunch for them even though they are in a building over a mile away.  Repeat as neccessary until the world-famous audiologist Dr. FancyPants notices me.

6.  Oh yeah, learn how to do my job.

7.  Attempt to smuggle Hank into work in my purse.  When this fails, plaster pictures of dogs on every visible surface.  Look confused when coworkers ask why I don't have any pictures of my boyfriend.

8.  Spend majority of first paycheck on work clothes, since The World's Largest Pleated Skirt and Cardigan Set Collection (twelve years of Catholic school, okay?  I go with what I know) does not fit my post-cancer waifish figure.  Try to remember the last time I bought myself clothes, but can't.

9.  Miss friends in the computer very, very much.

Oh Yeah, I Forgot about This Whole "Blogging" Gig

Internets, you are shamefully remiss in your Conking Rae over the Head with Something Heavy When She Suggests Something Ridiculous Like Going Back to Work duties. 

I am so very very tired.  Posting will resume when my circadian rhythm normalizes.   Tenatively scheduled for the 12th of Never.

Sorry Internet, I Just Can't Get It Up

The Funk That Would Not Die rages on.  I feel bad, because I usually post a lot, and I like updating frequently.  But damn if I just can't get it together to post anything of interest.

First, I was going to talk about Tarceva, the maintenance chemo that sounds like a mid-90's Toyota model (hopefully it is not a lemon), but frankly, the whole business is very boring.  Then I had a smashing piece on the stray dog we found, and how having three dogs is like watching a real-time soap opera in your living room.  I probably will still do that, since it allows for gratuitous cute-dog photo opportunities, but I am not feeling shecky enough quite yet.  Then I had a post about how my appetite is coming back, how much I love marbled Colby-Jack cheese (just how WAS I living without the cheese that guarantees not one but TWO delicious varieties in every bite?) and my almost pregnancy-like cravings after a year and a half of dry cereal and crackers (Dr. Atkins' last act before his death was to name me the Antichrist), but let's face it, not even I can make cheese interesting. 

So because of my utter lack of motivation, and because my laptop and Typepad have combined to form the Fuckup Alliance, all I can come up with is this interesting link.  Well, interesting if you are interested in autoimmune diseases, which I am.  I know that at least Noelle will read it, and that is good enough for me, right now. 

And with that, I slink back to my couch to wallow and complain.  I shall return when (mental) conditions improve.

Please Take My Survey to Keep Me from Obsessing about My Upcoming Very Important CT Scan

And because I am super fun (and looking to be distracted), I will answer them, too!  Well, the ones that apply.

1.  Who would play you in the movie of your life?

This is getting to be a tough one to answer (this is a common question among my friends, who knows why).  I would always say Winona Ryder, and it was the perfect answer.  But now this Natalie Portman chick has come onto the scene, and a lot of people think of her for me.  But I like Winona better, so I say her.

2.  Why do you read this site?  Do you have cancer, or are you perhaps just mesmerized by the neon glow?

• Corollary:  Are you the person who keeps coming to this site by googling "Limbodacious"?  If so, why?  I mean, if you can remember the limbodacious part, you've pretty much got it covered.  Do you know what a bookmark is?

3.  What is your favorite TV show/movie/book/whatever?

My two favorite movies are "Catch Me If You Can" and "Gladiator."  My favorite day is Tuesday.  My favorite drink is Pepsi. 

4.  How many days could you last in solitary confinement?

Probably indefinitely.  I am quite the loner.  If dogs were allowed in solitary confinement, forget about it... I'd never come out.

5.  What CD is in your CD player right now?  And don't even THINK about changing it to something cooler before you answer.

AC/DC - "Back in Black"

6.  What is your best personality trait?  Your best physical trait?

I am fair, level-headed, and reasonable.  And I have a rockin' ass.

7.  What is your household like?  Are you married?  Have a roommate?  Have pets?  Have kids?

Me, Boyfriend, Hank, Cooper, and a turtle (His name is "The Cooter" - because he is a Florida Cooter Turtle, get your head out of the gutter.).