October is National Stay Indoors Month

If you've been within 1,000 miles of any city in the last 28 days, you probably know that October is Breast Cancer month.  And if you're anything like me, that probably pisses you off.

But the thing is, I don't know why it pisses me off.  I really don't have anything against breast cancer survivors, or promoting awareness, these are good things.  I mean, there's the most obvious reason that last month was ovarian cancer month and it breezed by with hardly a mention by anybody, except I think Grey's Anatomy, which honestly, is kind of worse than no mention at all (By the way, Grey's Anatomy, effective the beginning of this season you are officially off my tivo list.  How's that feel, huh?  Does it sting?)

However, I don't think the purely selfish reason of no recognition for my own cancer really answers the question.  Chances are, if September was All Things Teal and Payless had Buy One Get One Half Off for ovarian cancer, that would probably bug me too.   So why does the sea of pink bother me so much?

I think partly it's the commercialization, the hypocrisy of it.  I mean, those ladies who lunch are not going to Macy's because part of the proceeds of Shop for the Cure are going to breast cancer.  They are going to Macy's because Macy's is the place to get that $300 dynamite little blazer that no one can live without this fall.  And, you know, it will probably look great on them because they have their breasts to fill it out and probably always will, because luck works a lot like money, the more you have the more you get. 

(Now, let me clarify a little because it's only the stuff like Shopping for the Cure that gets me.  Those commercials by the drug companies that encourage women to explore and research all the possible treatments when they are diagnosed, believe me, I will watch that shit all year long, because that is some actual useful information that might help save somebody's life.)

But the thing that bothers me the most is that it bothers me (we cancer types are a complicated bunch, yes?).  It bothers me that no one has invited me to go shopping this month out of fear of my breaking down in a heap in the middle of the mall.  It bothers me that Boyfriend went so far as going to Bed Bath & Beyond, claiming it was on his way, to pick up three CHINA SETTINGS  for me because he knew the Cook for the Cure display with their pink heart-shaped cake pans would drive me over the edge.  The only other time I have gotten that man in a Bed Bath & Beyond is when I told him it was right next to the sporting goods store which was a total lie, and even then I had to buy him a shower radio and park him in one of those semi-erotic massaging chairs to stop the whining (That was when "we" registered for our wedding.  Sweet, huh?).

This breast cancer stuff everywhere is like a huge pink neon sign that says, "HEY!  DON'T BOTHER RAE RIGHT NOW!  SHE IS VERY SENSITIVE ABOUT HAVING HAD CANCER!"  It is a physical reminder to everyone around me that I am still fragile and need to be shielded, which REALLY pisses me off, because it is TRUE.  The only way I can get through the days is by taking a healthy dose of denial every morning, and these constant reminders of cancer seeping into my life from every direction really fuck that up for me.

Anyway, the short version is that emotionally, I'm not having such a great month.  It seems like the more time that passes, the worse my coping skills become.  I have actually gone so far as to buy two self-help books to see if someone else has some thoughts that I haven't thought yet.  (Side story:  I went to get the book "Picking up the Pieces" that Spike recommended, and did you realize that Picking up the Pieces is a kind of common title in the self-help genre?  The little bookstore girl thought I was anorexic and took me to the eating disorder aisle.  What a great day that was.)  So perhaps soon I will have some more encouraging words to share, or at the very least, a book review.

Also, please, get a mammogram.

Comments

[Jennysue]

Yeah, I have really mixed feelings about all the cancer hype that goes on. I mean how could I a cancer "survivor" not support awarness, and the fact that some major department stores will actually donate a small, tiny weeny fraction of their multi billion dollar buisness to a good cause. But yes, there is something that is irritating about the commercialization of it, and yes having ribbons in your face all the time can be a bit agravating. I am with you my friend. I am sorry you are feeling down at this time, I think it's par for the course. Having periods where you cope well w/ feelings about it, and having periods where not so much. I hope some reading helps, and if not....chocolate always does me good.

[Louise]

Heh, I was going to write about this very subject under the title "Thank Eff This Month is Over" but now I don't have to because you did.

There is something fundamentally wrong with "shopping for the cure." There is something fundamentally wrong with companies taking advantage of women's fear and the desire to do something and then profiting off the whole thing. I realize many companies give all the proceeds from pink products to breast cancer research, but many many many don't, and most people aren't discriminating shoppers. And it doesn't address the fact that even in America there are women without access to the medical care they need to prevent and detect breast cancer, or that in other parts of the world women don't have ANY chance at all to fight this disease because the resources are simply not available to them.

I've been internally raging about this (amongst other things) recently. Don't even get me started on all the wrongness of Bill O'Reilly on Oprah the other day -- why did I watch that? There is a huge problem with how people view problems in North America -- I feel like everyone is watching a fire in the mirror and then throwing water on the reflection to try to put it out.

Shopping for the cure. Bah.

[Louise]

*ahem* I had to come back to point something put -- he's no longer just the Boyfriend, now he is The Husband. Give credit, where credit is due!

[Jeannette]

I'm with you on this one. I really, really have torn feelings on the pink marketing machine. Let's really think about this. Campbell's Soup? The sodium-filled-processed-chicken-white-flour-noodles is the perfect choice in building a cancer prevention diet. Don't even get me started on the choclates. I tried this year to convince myself that good still comes of this month and all the pinkness, but as the weeks have passed it has worn me down. I'm pinked out. And somehow, as a breast cancer survivor, I feel somewhat of a traitor. There are other ways to do some good in the war on any type of cancer than to somehow feel justified in buying the giant size bag of pink M&Ms and gallantly sharing them with your co-workers.

Phew! I feel so much better.

(good to see you around again so soon!)

[Noelle]

Aw. I have no comforting words other than October is almost over. And I'm thinking of you, too.