Sieze This (For Lack of a Less Crude Title)

Let me be honest about something.  I watch a lot of television.  The depth and breadth of my knowledge on almost every show since 1983 allowed me to become a three-time TV trivia champion on the local public radio station.  So it isn't surprising, really, that most of my posts here begin with "I saw this thing on TV the other day and..."

Anyway, I saw this thing on TV the other day, and I got a little worked up about it.   A patient, being wheeled out of the hospital said, "I should be dead but I am alive.  From now on every day is a gift."   I started my jaw-dropped, dramatically-slow-I-can't-believe-what-I'm-hearing head turn routine toward Boyfriend, who immediately recognized the maneuver and, knowing that an explosion was imminent, quickly started his the-grass-needs-mowed-the-dogs-need-fed-and-oh-would-you-look-at-the-time routine.

The thought itself is not very original, a person goes through a horrible trauma and comes out on the other side with a renewed appreciation and zest for life.  Seize the day, whatever.  I just don't understand it.  If every day is a gift, for me it appears to be of the hand-knit-poodle-skirts-with-yarn-balls-for-tails variety.  (A little Rae trivia:  That is a gift I really received when I was 16 years old, and I rank it as the second worst gift I ever got.  Number 1 is a can of peanuts I got for Christmas.)  Maybe with all the lasting complications I've had, I'm still too mired in the mess to see past it all and start smelling the roses.  Maybe my late great grandmother was right, and I was born jaded, and jaded I will forever be.   

Either way, you won't find "seizing the day" on my to-do list.  I will not come back better than ever and travel the world, devote my life to service, or date Sheryl Crow.  In fact, I find my to-do list shrinking by the day.  I leave dishes in the sink,  I don't react when my dogs start barking insanely at the neighbors, I rudely cut the Victoria's Secret girl off in mid-spiel when she is telling me about their great new credit card, and I consider it a personal affront that my boss expects me to show up every day (on time no less!) ... all the while repeating my own post-cancer mantra in my head:

I don't have time for this horseshit.

So I guess this is my way of seizing the day.  Armed with the knowledge that I may keel over at any moment, I refuse to sweat the small stuff.  The small stuff being earning a living, dealing with annoying people, and contributing to society in general.  And I will continue to cast off all those responsibilities that keep me from watching season after season of syndicated shows on DVD, so that someday I can rest in peace knowing my tombstone proudly proclaims:

Here lies Rae... loving wife, devoted dog owner, and four-time NPR televison trivia champion.