As It Turns Out, You CAN Take the Honky-Tonk Out of the Girl
It hit me today. I am in remission. The Universe is balancing out. Life is good.
I am ashamed to admit that the end of my funk was not precipitated by a spiritual revelation, the wise words of a close friend, or the Heavens opening up and an angelic being shouting "Get over yourself!" It was because of a shopping trip.
I was sad, and lonely, and feeling isolated, devoid of purpose or direction. But then. Then, there was THE HUGEST BED BATH & BEYOND IN THE WORLD. It has two floors, people! When they say & BEYOND, they really mean it. And I bought a cordless rechargeable sweeper-vac for 40% off, which if you're like me, and I am, is quite the gratifying purchase.
The trip didn't start out well. The confusion started over what, in fact, constitutes a "mall." For a small-town girl like me, a mall is a maximum of five stores arranged in a row, all with separate entrances from the outside. Here in the big, bad city, "malls" masquerade themselves as the type of strip-mall I am accustomed to, with secret passages into the Conglomo-Mall which contains the store that you are actually looking for. I felt a little ridiculous, passing the same shopping center eight times knowing that the store just had to be in there, not realizing that behind the facade there lies a whole other hidden group of stores. I was pissed off, and about to give up, and then over the horizon, like a Phoenix from my angst, rose the Hugest Bed Bath & Beyond In the World.
When I got inside, I quickly forgot my hippocampic frustration, as I was mesmerized by the gleam of high-tech toasters and the lushness of very, very expensive drapes. Ah, the tears are welling up in my eyes just remembering it. I wandered around the huge expansiveness for much longer than the errand required, and I felt my soul refreshed. As I went back to my car, I noticed the rest of the shoppes (the upscale nature of the mall necessitates the superfluous -pe), which I had missed earlier in my frantic search for BB&B. Beautiful shoes, high-fashion evening wear, quirky cafes, home furnishings fit for Architectural Digest. I thought to myself, I love this place.
In my short foray into city life, I have learned this simple equation: Trendiness of neighborhood = (Number of gay men + Number of cute young girls in designer track suits jogging in tandem) x Number of restaurant names Rae cannot pronounce. This neighborhood scored about 100 million trillion. I swore off my small-town roots right then and there, because this place rocks. As I stood calculating the risk of arrest if I never went home and just squatted there in the mall parking lot, and rationalizing that it's a victimless crime, after all, I realized that I already live here. I. Live. HERE.
Once I acknowledged that wholly awesome fact, the floodgates opened. We bought a house, and I love it to bits. I have a boyfriend who loves me. I have three, count 'em three, dogs that guarantee hilarity every day. I live in a great neighborhood that is safe and fun and has shoppes instead of plain old stores. I have weathered the struggle of my life, risen like an Enormous Bed Bath & Beyond from the ashes, and I can now gleefully rejoice in sweeper-vacs and all the other simple pleasures that I have missed out on for so long.
Life is pretty fucking great when you look at it like that.
P.S. Since Louise is such a braggart these days, I will show you this shoppe to make her jealous for a change. Take that.
Be careful - because once you get lured in, a mall can be deadly, to your wallet. I'm glad you're enjoying everything!
Posted by: Katie | August 07, 2005 at 08:42 PM
It is so amazing what will bring things around full circle! Glad you are enjoying life again! Glad that there are so many good things going on for you. You deserve it!
May that BB&B stay there and run sales forever!
Posted by: sunnyside2day | August 07, 2005 at 09:12 PM
Go Rae! Nothing says "I'm healed" like a metaphor based on commercialism. Actually, one of the definitiosn for "Phoenix rising from the ashes" is "a person or thing of unsurpassed excellence or beauty; a paragon." Since you likened yourself to a giant Bed Bath & Beyond, would make you a person of unsurpassed cleanliness?
Actually, gotta love your trendiness equation. It would work so well here in the LA/Hollywood area (girl, the numbers would go through the roof). Although there would have to be a factor for cosmetic enhancements (but let's leave my boobies out of this!).
This confirms it for me. There is nothing like a good trip to a great mall to set everything right in a girl's world. Enjoy life in the big city.
Posted by: Jeannette | August 07, 2005 at 11:04 PM
Glad to hear you are enjoying a bit of retail therapy, missy.
Here's to shopping!
Posted by: Spike | August 07, 2005 at 11:14 PM
Ah, retail therapy. There's nothing in this world quite like it.
Posted by: Noelle | August 08, 2005 at 12:45 PM
Yay!!!
That is all.
Posted by: Lauren | August 09, 2005 at 09:21 PM
Oh yes! Nothing like a huge BB&B to raise a girl's spirits!!
Posted by: Dee-Dee | August 10, 2005 at 04:12 PM