A Totally Scattered, Disconnected, and Not to Mention Late Father's Day Tribute - Now with Anecdotes!

I hit the jackpot when it came to dads.  The most common complaint that I hear with regards to fathers is that dad is too distant, or doesn't show enough affection.  My dad is totally on the other end of the spectrum, he is the most open and loving man I know. 

He is also pretty amazing.  The thing I admire the most about him is that as a 35-year-old man with a lot to lose, he voluntarily checked himself into the rehab facility at the hospital where he was currently employed.  That takes a lot of guts and humility.  And what's even more amazing is that he never fell off the wagon, he said he was going to get clean and he just got clean.  If you ask him why, he'll tell you that he did it for his daughter.  (And then his daughter will get all misty-eyed and have to excuse herself.)  I look at how far he has come, and I am very proud of him.  He now owns his own business, and has bounced back from a difficult divorce to a great marriage.  He is also the Most Awesome Stepdad Ever.

During his struggle with alcohol and drugs, he was told almost constantly by his family that he was a degenerate, worthless, etc etc.  I think part of that has always stayed with him, and he really thinks he is not a good father.  I think in the back of his mind, he doesn't see himself measuring up.

So he overcompensates in strange areas.  Being a car guy, he views my transportation as his Singular Charge in Life.  Ignoring the fact that I am myself a licensed mechanic, he constantly hounds me with questions like, "Are you due for an oil change?", "What's that scratch on your fender from?", and "JESUS CHRIST, are you calling me from the CAR??  Call me back when you're parked!!!!"

But I know what he really means is, "I want to keep you safe from all the dangers of the world."  So I know my diagnosis of cancer has been especially hard on him.  This is something that he can't fix, that no amount of love poured onto me can change.  And I think the huge fear that plagues him is that he somehow caused it.  Which, by the way, he didn't, and I tell him that all the time, but some irrational fears can't be helped with reason.

I don't devote enough time to my dad.  I help him out at his new business a lot, but our ritual Thursday night dinners have fallen by the wayside.  This is, of course, because I am now All Grown Up and Can't Be Bothered.  I am too busy living in sin with Boyfriend and taking care of my own life and health.  I know that it hurts him to have the Protector part of his role taken away little by little, the more that I grow and become independent.

But all things considered, my dad and I have a great relationship.  We are always able to talk to each other.  And for that, I am truly thankful.  I know that sometimes fathers are not fully appreciated until they're gone.  I am blessed to have a dad that tells me all the time how much I mean to him and how much he loves me, and who is always trying to help me in whatever way he can. 

So now, with that lengthy explanation, I leave you with a few cute stories to enjoy for this belated Father's Day tribute, about my sappy daddy.

#1.  My dad and my mom* both worked at the same hospital.  He was a courier, bringing all the medical supplies the different wards needed.  My mom was the pharmacy tech, so their paths crossed pretty often.  One day my mom was looking through all the prescriptions my dad had dropped off to be filled.  Mixed in with the bunch was one with her name on it, a prescription for a date with him.  How friggin cute is THAT?

#2.  My mom and I went on vacation one time without my dad.  I don't remember why exactly, but that's just how it worked out I guess (I was pretty young).  When we got back, my dad had made me a little picture book about how he and our dog missed me so much.  On one page there was a stick-person and stick-dog with a big frowny faces, then on the next page, it showed me coming back and they had HUGE smiles bursting off their faces.  It was so nice, especially since he was terrible at art and would usually never draw pictures with me.

#3.  My dad and the woman who would be his (second) wife went on their first date on his birthday.  She got him a special cookie that had "Happy Birthday" written on it in icing, a very nice gesture seeing as how it was their very first date.  Before they left, he put it in the fridge.

He refused to eat the cookie, because it was so special to him.  Every so often he would get it out, look at it and smile.  Then put it right back.  Four months later, when he was moving out of his apartment to move in with his then-girlfriend, I came over to help him pack.  I cleaned out the fridge and found the cookie, still perfectly wrapped in its original wax paper.  I told him, "You know, you're going to have to throw this away now."

I could see how sad he was to let go of this tangible reminder of his first date with the woman he now loved so much.  We took a picture of it with his Polaroid camera, so he could look at it whenever he wanted.  It softened the blow, but he was still so upset over throwing away the beautiful cookie.

So how adorable is my dad?  Don't you just love him??

* Totally unrelated: Have you ever noticed that kids of divorced parents always say "my mom" and "my dad," and kids of together parents just say "mom" and "dad"?  Why is that anyway??

Comments

[Noelle]

Maybe it's a divorced kid thing... I know I'm used to having to qualify whenever I'm telling stories: my mom, my dad, my stepmom, my stepdad.

Your dad sounds like the awesomest dad ever!

[Kathleen]

I do love your Dad! I've got a sappy daddy too. Aren't they the best?

[cancerbaby]

Nah, my parents are still together, and I refer to them as "my mom" and "my dad." Maybe it's regional?

LOVE the prescription for a date thing!

[Jeannette]

What a wonderful story of healing and love and strength -- for you and your dad. If my dad was alive to witness by cancer issue, it would have devastated him in the same way. Good for you for letting your dad help you. It's good for both of you. I agree -- the prescription for a date is the cutest ever!