A Letter to Garth Brooks

Dear Garth (if I may call you that),

I have always been a big fan of yours, but a problem has come up that I must discuss with you.  Your song, "Unanswered Prayers" is affecting my health, and I write you today to ask that you correct this mistake.

Now, I am glad for you that an unanswered prayer resulted in your blissful marriage.  But those of us not silly enough to pray for frivolous things like marrying our pre-teen boyfriend/girlfriend are being adversely affected by your lyrics.

When I pray, it is for things like my health improving, or for my friends to receive peace, cessation of pain, or whatever the individual situation requires.  Clearly you can see the difference between these prayers and praying for your youthful love to last.

The problem is, because your song gets so much airplay, God is just hearing you saying "God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers" without any counterpoint.  I think this has caused Him to get complacent up there because He thinks we don't want Him to answer prayers anymore.

Now, I know you are a business man, but you are already very rich, so I don't think taking one song out of circulation will hurt you too badly (plus I'm sure your accountant can find a way to write it off as a tax-deductible charitable contribution).  But for people like me, who keep praying only to have our valid supplications vetoed for what God thinks is our "best interest", the results of pulling this song would be innumerable.

I hate to make threats, but given what is at sake, I will pursue this legally if action is not taken.  Do not underestimate the gravity of this threat, if you and Warren G can have a years-long legal battle over the letter "G," I think I could get my day in court, too. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter.  I have CC'd the person who wrote the song for you, because if this goes to court, he will be named as well.  Please, do not meet my demands because of the threats; think of all the people who pray for more important things than girlfriend troubles and lottery numbers.  Do it for them.

God Bless (and I mean it),

Eat Roast Beef

P.S.  Love the hat!

Comments

[Noelle]

Hi! Thanks for commenting on my blog! I've been reading through your old blog and now your new one. I love finding new blogs to read.

I can understand how you feel about "Unanswered Prayers". Don't you just want to grab him by the shoulders and say, "GARTH! Your song is dismissive!" So maybe he didn't mean it that way, and I can see the logic behind my not getting to go out with Bobby Wagner in 8th grade, but sometimes dammit, there are more important things in life than Bobby Wagner. And I'd like to think God knows it, even if Garth Brooks does not.

Now I am just rambling, so I'll stop. Thanks again for stopping by my blog! I'll add you to my ever growing list of "blogs I read obsessively every day". :)