Totally Gushy, Weepy, Nausea-Inducing Post

Here is a short list of things that always make me cry:

1.  Talking to my grandma, knowing she doesn't remember who I am. (Alzheimer's)

2.  "Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton

3.  Finding out a chemo regimen has failed.

4.  The scene in "Cast Away" where Tom Hanks realizes Wilson has drifted out to sea. 

And a new addition to the list...

5.  This post from Louise.

And not just because it says some very kind things about me at a time I desperately need to hear them.  It is just spot on. 

In my own experiences, I have found that Today's Woman is being pressured to turn away from her femininity.  I lived mostly in what we might call a "man's world."  Military.  Factories.  Engineering school.  And to get ahead, actually just to keep up, I had to deny everything in myself that was emotional, vulnerable, and silly.  The women I encountered and I played this back-and-forth game where I thought they resented me, and they thought I looked down on them. 

So when everything that made me anatomically a women malfunctioned, the irony was not lost on me.  But I sucked it up and headed into the project that would show me how tough I really was.  Or wasn't.  It took a few months of clinging to my independent, stubborn ways before I finally realized I needed a friend. 

The thing is, women just need other women.  Not just when we have cancer, or are infertile, or going through a divorce or insert-your-life-crisis-here.  I felt so stupid for going through life like some kind of robot trying to "get ahead," and now that all of that had fallen apart I had no one to talk to.  No one who could understand the issues I was faced with.

I never thought I'd say it, but thank god for the internet.  I was shocked to find out how many women were out there, looking for the same thing I was.  And not only were they willing to give me a few answers and compare experiences, they were willing to be my friends (I won't name names because I'm sure friends of mine would rather remain anonymous...ha).  And I finally saw that even though we were far away, or had totally different personalities, or weren't going through the same things, that we had something to offer each other.  Something that cannot be summed up by a link in the "Friends" column.

So to Womankind... I say thank you.  Thank you for saying my shoes are cute, even though you don't know me.  Thank you for pulling strings to get me a same-day doctor's appointment because I sounded worried.  Thank you for listening to me whine, and for hating the same things I hate.  Thank you for making a joke.  Thank you for being kind and offering your friendship.  Thank you for helping me see there are things to be thankful for, at a time when I thought there were none.

Comments

[Jeannette]

I can relate so well to this post. I originally started my blog right after my dx with breast cancer. I knew that my sisters were at a greater risk and I wanted to be sure that they had all the information I was researching and trying to pack into my tiny little brain. Some 20,000 hits later I have been blessed by a supportive community that has truly helped me on my journey. I'll carry you too in my heart and in my prayers.